So basically I went away to Bugged Out last weekend (story to follow soon) and maybe slept a little bit less than I should have, and maybe was a lot more excessive than I should have been, but since I’ve come home, I’ve been having loads of weird, scary dreams. There’s been some really shocking ones about rapists (one of which culminated in me running away from a herd of cows, whilst simultaneously sleepwalking to go for a piss - I’m not sure if the latter actually happened). Anyway, I present to you the latest freaky dream, from the point of which I remember it starting:

I’m at my uncle’s wedding (my uncle got married in 2004), and weird things keep happening. There’s some odd looking woman, and at first I’m kind of taunting her, like pissing on her a bit from over a balcony and then hiding, and throwing things at her. Then she turns into a psycho and threatens to kill everyone at the wedding. Then me and someone I met at Bugged Out start battling her in a game-style war around this hotel we’re at, where she sets us tasks and we have to beat them, but the she has now turned into a he, which obviously seems completely normal. After running around this hotel beating all the tasks, but never actually finding her, I lose my game partner and am lured into a room which looks like a school gym, where the game master turns up and ties me to a wall with loads of other men and runs off. I untie myself from the wall, but it turns out it was a trick, and the man (whose face is held together with a mask that looks like something you’d wear if you were playing American football) comes to get me. I run away, but I have to climb over a swimming pool, which I somehow manage to avoid jumping in to. Then they catch me, and the man with the broken face is all like “aaah, I’m gonna beat the shit out of you until you die”, but somehow I am telepathic, and convince him not to kill me, and just to pretend to hit me really hard and I will pretend it hurts, because it transpires he’s mega in love with me, and the reason his face is broken is because of some ex-boyfriend of mine (who doesn’t exist in real life). Anyway, he stops pretend hitting me, and I get up and take his mask off, and hold his face together and do this weird gazing into his pretty eyes thing, and offer to take him out on a date and kiss him even though his face is broken. The dream ends with me laying on a bed, as though I was in a movie, holding half a plastic face, talking about our relationship, and now how I am now dating a teacher who is boring, and I imply the half faced man is dead, and then I woke up.

WEIRD.